I believe thats why we broke up. Sometimes. Friendship with an ex is difficult, so tell him you need time to yourself and ask him not to message you anymore. Whatever the case, months later, he is now sending you messages and friend requests out of nowhere. I would have finished in 6 months. I tried to solve things with her but she didnt want. Im talking about people that have children together and therefore need to communicate whos going to do what for the kids, or people that share real estate, pets etc. I really want him back and cannot stop thinking about him. You are going to have one type of conversation with your boss. As I said, if you want to be together with your ex again, and your ex boyfriend wants to be friends, (even if they say that they dont have feelings for you anymore), you shouldnt settle for being their side-chick or their friend with benefits unless this is something that actually makes you happy. 4. Your email address will not be published. She might process it one day and come back or she might not. 1. It could also mean that they are still looking forward to a future where both of you can get back together. 13) Remember, that forgiveness is vital. There are all kinds of reasons why an ex wants to be friends, but one thing is for sure and that is that they still care about you. I really miss him and keep holding out hope. Its not uncommon when an ex still wants to be friends after a breakup, but its not always easy for the other person to understand. He also said I helped made him a better person, he feels really good now, and that a continued relationship with us can never happen again. It is probably a mess in your head right now. It means you will have to bear the sight of seeing them romance someone else. These preferred personal traits are of course dependent on each individual. 4. Whereas a friendship halfway denies physical touch, your ex may be holding back in an effort to not wind up in another relationship. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). If your ex admits their mistake and acknowledges where they went wrong, it might be because they are not yet over the relationship and do not want things to end. We have been on and off speaking since but met a couple of times in the last few months and have slept together. Your Ex Becomes Possessive. We then spoke on the phone and he mentioned that it was so nice to hear my voice, but if we pursue a friendship we cant go into it with expectations or our fingers crossed. He said couldnt we be friends until I met someone else. For Most People Being Friends Wont Work If You Are Looking To Get Back Together. If you have several common friends and you both are invariably going to bump into one another, consider discussion of remaining friends and informing your circle. If an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wants to be friends is a good sign if they want to mend the relationship with you. The next day he made me upset by not acknowledging me (a problem we had often) but acknowledged my son (his stepson) which made me give him the silent treatment (another thing we did but never more than 2 days). The fact is youre hurt and you want to be together, and your exs proposition to remain close can feel like theyre twisting the knife in the wound. What Happens When You Ignore A Breadcrumber? My boyfriend of 8 months broke up with me two weeks ago. The less drama the better for everyone involved.. To want to be together and to believe that you can seduce your ex is more than half the . Its the opposite of what you want, but letting go is good for you. I loved that about him. Otherwise avoid being around him as much as you can and just go about your day as normal as if you are happy and indifferent to him being around. I think it is a bad thing but she doesnt like to communicate these things. You dont want to lose your relationship forever and youre wondering if friendship is a good way to get it back. And as it turns out, friendships can lead to a lot of negative outcomes for yourself too. However, the problem can arise if you are having sex . So now I ask you, as harshly and melodramatic as I am. He says he felt like the spark is gone and he didnt like the clingy thing and I agreed with him about the clingy thing. Id like to take a quick second and expand on each of these reasons for a moment. 2. People are appalled when I say what Im about to say but quite frankly I dont believe there is any other way to look at it. You are not playing any games with this person. In this case, your ex will want to remain friends with you because they believe they can get you in bed. How to let go of an ex who wants to be friends? Im gonna try my best to be a good friend and maybe something will happen naturally. They gloat over the unfair control they have over peoples life. But since last call, I have not responded to her guilty free checks: hi how are you? In other words, its going to take longer to see success. Since shes an ex, she doesnt need nor want you around anymore. The fact that your boyfriend still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life. She has to text first and lead more conversations. Youre either in a conflict with your ex and the breakup didnt lead to a calm after the storm, or youre lucky enough to be able to have a platonic and healthy relationship after a breakup that went well.. 4. For some people, this idea breaks their heart because theyre still in love with the person and they want to get back together. In my head I had to have an internal debate. Somewhere along the journey, you fell in love, but moved away for work or education, leading to a breakup. You need to go back into a no contact this time for 45 days and work on yourself in that time, read about the ungettable girl and how you need to become the best version of yourself. Of course, when push comes to shove and you finally do end up texting your ex after the no contact rule he usually won't be able to resist a response. He told me his relationships usually only lasted six months. I was not expecting that, we were never boyfriend or girlfriend but we both acted like it and obviously set up red flags for each other by speaking about very serious things when we were together. I was in a LDR and it lasted for about 3 months. Dr. Margaret Ann Dixon is a psychologist in private practice in the state of Nevada, USA. Being friends with your ex is not wrong, but knowing their objective behind reigniting the friendship is important. This is the most obvious reason. Perhaps they thought they would be with someone soon after the breakup. She shares some but she would omit the details of some people, specially guy friend or colleague if she interacts with them. In most cases it is possible to get back with an ex when you have a positive attitude and outlook. Hi Savannah, if you want to follow this program then you need to follow No Contact. If you want to get back with your ex, you have to believe in getting back together! Sometimes exes will want to be friends shortly/right after the breakup. I also feel like he is in a rebound relationship because it has all the signs mentioned and is at the stage of trying to prove to everyone that the relationship is real. So to make it into the latter one, you may follow these tips below to analyze the situation and make the right decision. Some will jump into bed with the first person they can find (see rebound relationships .) If you can bear all of it and do not mind being friend-zoned, then it is all good. After all, who better to understand them than the person they went through a breakup with? However, therearetwo principal reasons as to why you might not feel very enthusiastic when faced with the idea. Or in that case should I show her that Im here for her ? He apologised and asked me to be friends. He said to me often that I was sadder than he originally thought I was. You cant talk your way back into a relationship. 8 things to do when an ex contacts you years later. Read for more information. For example, if you do 30% of initiating, your ex must do 70%. In many cases, there are sincere reasons to get back together with an ex. 5 possible reasons why: 1. She told me her reasons. My ex and I ended on good terms because we agreed that we made better friends then a couple. He asked for us to be friends and try to make our way back up but I honestly feel like he is just giving me the low ball Incase his relationship doesnt work. He Still Wants You Around. To use you for sex or intimacy. If you want to get back together you have to create a means of getting closer, spending time together, but you're not going to try to establish friendship. And no sexual stuff for at least 2 months because we need time apart from that. He is only 45 min from me. This was all right before things went silent. Unfortunately, its a black or white situation. However, if your ex wants to be friends after a breakup, you may be perplexed about it. Your ex may want to be friends with you only to experience the thrill of seeing you concede to their requests for friendship. The same can be said for your ex when he suddenly wants to be friends with you again. The sooner you let her know she cant contact you anymore, the better. Very seldom do human beings act out of boredom and without any reason. I really had my heart set on all the plans we made and it hurts to think about never seeing him again. WTH!??? According to the poll 51% of people have. 2023 Elite Communication Coaching, LLC. I say this not to be controversial but to help you understand why your ex wants to be friends with you after a breakup. All of that has been erased as quickly as you can say whoops. Even though you would move mountains and cross deserts to be with your ex one more time, you must allow him or her to start repairing things from the beginning. What can be done here to get her to see the worth of our bond and the life we had and have? If your ex contacted you during no contact years after . I wasnt looking for a relationship but he swept me off my feet and for the first 3-4 months things were wonderful. We didnt speak for a few months. Why does my ex want to be friends years later? She left very suddenly two years ago and hasn't seen our teenaged daughters until recently. It could be hard to suddenly terminate contact with someone who has been a regular feature in your daily life. But now he keeps calling talking about a possible friendship. Is everything ok? I have always given the benefit of doubt to her. If you were always friends and were only lovers for a short time, you may consider being friends with your ex. If your ex boyfriend/girlfriend wants to be friends, it also means that she/he is confused and wants to keep all the options open. "Holy! Familiarity is one of the best ways to create and maintain love; studies . If you could establish a clear hierarchy itd probably look something like this. And then you will have the people who want to "remain friends.". Whether it be property, a pet, social circle, or most definitively children, your ex may want to keep the peace and stay friendly for those reasons. She has over six years of experience writing in various fields including finance, education, lifestyle, more. She told me she can feel my love, that she knows I would give her moon if she asks me. My ex husband was not ready for the real world consequences of leaving his marriage so he had been moving slowly. It doesnt matter whether hes the only friend in your life, and how much youve bent over backward for him or her in the past. Although you may like to explore friendship, you may be haunted by several questions, such as why do they want to re-enter your lives after all the unpleasant events? He simply doesnt like hurting you and feels bad for breaking your heart. Well We still keep in contact as friends. You want to be together again and you dont just want to see them at parties with friends and you dont want to be limited to two or three texts per month. Because I dont want to lose him to her. While fast forward to now and weve been hanging out and talking a lot again, and at first I felt it was because he was really depressed and just need someone there for him, but last time we were texting and he was telling me about how he wasnt really drunk just horny and a little tipsy.i could of just been a slip up but the other night he put his hand on my thigh and I didnt think nothing of it till later because it was closer to my knee , I just dont want to lose a friend but, I dont want him to think he has a chance. They still have feelings for you. It was really sad and I felt used, manipulated though she has great qualities that I love. You need to read and follow the information about being Ungettable and then use this to show him how you are living your life with out him. You need to give yourself ample time and space to mourn the end of the relationship. 1. She was a little bit rude with me. Its all about them unloading how they feel onto you and you making them feel better. That part is good. Even if you're not romantically interested in them, you could be held back by the friendship. What does this mean..? Ill go on with my life and be the best person I can be. I told him that the mutual friend was only a colleague to me. Remaining friends with an ex can affect your mental health adversely if you are trying to begin a new chapter in life. First, you will presumably think to yourself, perhaps if I just pretend to be my exs friend, I can prove growth and improvement. Do not meet up with him for a while now. She had accepted this long before she had ever reached out to me, and her motive for calling was that she had realized how hard it was to get out of the friend zone. Here is perhaps the coolest part about this concept. I am so angry but our daughters have missed their mother. Fast forward to today. Your ex did not realize it earlier, but now they seem to see it. I went no contact for around 2 months. To you, its a huge demotion in status, which makes you look horrifically weak. ! You deserve more. Youre either all in or all out. I took a step back and left him alone. This can happen with relationships that lasted a long time or a short time. These might include: 1) Familiarity. Sometimes Being Friends Can Work As Long As Rules Are Redefined. For the first week we talked and hung out but now we dont talk at all. The funny part is that we have a tendency to build these big ideas and feelings up in our heads and when it comes time to actually execute or experience them we find that its a little more difficult than we thought. Which we both said from the start. Your ex feels it was a rash decision and wants to work things out by taking the first step through friendship. What Is My Ex Thinking And Feeling In No Contact? She is a caring person and I dont know why she was acting like that. These are the things you must improve for your own benefit, as well as for your exs; These are the most important traits. In the previous chapter, I mentioned a few positive things you should work on to boost your attraction level. Well she broke up with me in good terms, even thought I still have feelings for her and want her back. All you can do is go full no contact and wait for her to process the breakup. So, I let him back in. She has been trying to be friends with me knowing I love her and still want to have a life together in the future. I dont know how I feel in general about this all. At the time, we were both really stressed and having small arguments, but I thought it was mostly because I was stressed about a certain circumstance. After a breakup, you feel awful and completely lost. For other their best friends may hold the top position. If you are reeling from the shock of the breakup, it does not make sense to befriend the person who led to those feelings. 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